Forget the Groundhog

First post in five months ~ sort of. I have typed and deleted countless posts. Why? Because I won't let myself say what is really on my mind and frankly, I doubt anyone would want to read it anyway.

Today is Groundhog Day, but we my friends have a badger at our house. An annoying, mean badger and today I am feeling FED UP. A badger is really just a big bully ~ and who wants to be bullied all the time? Not me. We had a terrible start to our day.

I am sick of feeling anxious and angry and sad and hopeless. And I am the only one who can fix that -- I know it. But darn it, it's hard. And even if I do work on fixing it, the outside influences are not going to change so will it really matter? I am seriously feeling broken and have no idea how I am going to fix myself.

The worst part of feeling this way is that I know my children suffer. How can I be a good mother when I am broken? I am cheating them and I hate it.

I read a really good magazine article this morning while waiting at the doctor's office about finding happiness even in the darkest moments. It was probably good I read it this morning, as it was filled with reminders to myself on how to focus my energy on the good instead of the bad. I wish it was easier to do in the heat of the moment or when you feel like you are in the thick of a miserable situation.

I know I am blessed. I have three amazing children, a roof over my head and clothes on my back. I have a faith that I desperately need to practice better, but nonetheless, I know God is there and has a reason for whatever He sends my way. I have friends and family that I am so grateful for and who make my life better many times without even realizing it. I am thankful for my blessings.

But I am tired in SO many ways.

I doubt anyone will read this since I never even blog anymore, but I just needed to get it off my chest.

Regardless of how I am feeling today, I DO want to find hope -- and joy -- and peace again. I know I can and I will.

This quote kind of says it all to me today --

"If you knew that hope and despair were paths to the same destination, which would you choose?" ~ Robert Brault

I want to choose hope -- I just need to dig deep to find it.