Man, I have got the funky blahs!

I am so tired of feeling the blahs! I have been in a funk for almost a week now and it is SO not like me to be this way. I cannot snap out of it.

I have had some good moments -- like the fun afternoon I spent with my two oldest kids yesterday, going to lunch, the library and visiting some very sweet dogs at the animal shelter. Overall though, I am just spent.

I have been getting less sleep than I should -- that's probably not a good thing. My husband and daughter are sick. I feel like I've just been going from one task to the next not really focusing on anything. My house is a disaster, even though I feel like I have been CONSTANTLY picking up and straightening. Everything just feels messy and frustrating these past few days. And I think I am catching whatever bug is in my house (but I am fighting it, let me tell you!)

I cannot even find joy in scrapbooking. I'm not motivated. I was working on a very intense, serious project and decided to switch to something fun and lighthearted. Normally, that would pep me up. It's not working this time.

I 'm not sure how or when this mood will pass. I hate it because I don't want to chat with my scrapping friends online too much and I don't want to call anyone because I feel like I am a big fat downer right now and I hate to be that way. ARRRGH! It's driving me crazy!

(Deep breath!)

On a positive note (can you believe I'm going to say something positive??), I finally, after six long months, got my hair cut today and it feels so good! I used to be a "haircut every five weeks girl" without fail. Somewhere along the way that changed and let me tell you, six months is way too long! I was feeling pretty frumpy. I still do (because of my ridiculous mood!), but the haircut is a start.

So sorry to be a such a downer. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better, happier and productive day.

Regret is a funny thing

The other day I was thinking about some friends of mine and the times we spent together when I was in my early twenties. There was a group of eight of us that did practically everything together. I was thinking about what a great time in my life that was...but then as I started thinking about my early twenties, I also realized that I did a lot of things during those years that I regret. Stupid things that are embarrassing to think about now -- things I might change if I could.

Which led me to this...regret is a funny, funny thing. Sure you can regret small things like a bad perm or something mean that you said. But can you regret larger life decisions that have led you to where you are right now? If it's something extreme like a bad addiction, of course I say yes. But if it's a job that you took or a move to a new town -- isn't there always things that come from these choices that you don't regret?

For example...when I was 20, I moved out of state for someone I was dating. Certain aspects of my move seem like a huge mistake when I look back. I was back home within three short months. But some things came out of that move that have put me where I am today. I learned so much about myself in that time. I also was forced to move out of comfort zone I had been in. When I returned home, I got a job that I was sure was temporary and ended up doing it for 11 years. Met some great friends, a few of whom I would consider very influential in my life. So do I regret that move...I guess not, even though thinking about certain aspects of that time makes me wish I had made some different choices.

There are aspects of my life right now that some days make me think, "Man I wish I could change this -- go back and start over." But then I realize, if I could do that, what other aspects of my life would be totally different? Things that I don't necessarily want to change. I guess if you have faith and believe God has a plan for you, then you just have to accept what life hands you and try to make the best decisions possible along the way. I do believe everything happens for a reason. It's not always clear why at the time, but somewhere along the way you end up figuring it out. Good or bad.

I probably sound like a scary version of Dr. Phil today ~ for that I apologize! I guess this is just my little reminder to myself to embrace things for the good that has come out of them, instead of focusing on the bad. Regrets are a part of life, but if you can learn and move on, they aren't always a bad thing.

And so it begins...

Ahhh...three kids. All home, all day....

My son is on Spring Break this week. I love having all my kids with me, but there is a whole new level of chaos at my house when ALL three kids are here as opposed to just the two youngest. It's headache-inducing sometimes.

I am not complaining. It's just such an obvious difference. When it's just the youngest two, we have a routine. We kind of ease into our day. My oldest doesn't ease into things so much. He wants to start the day his way immediately, whether it be breakfast first thing or a particular game or movie. He wakes up quicker than my daughter and will almost always do something to antagonize her before she's fully awake, which usually leads to tears and loud wailing. The youngest is a handful pretty much all the time (exploring, climbing, seeking mischief), and the noise from the other two seems to encourage his michievous ways.

You'd think by now I would have found a way to "handle" this craziness. It helps that I know to expect it...but it still throws me for a loop a bit! Wears me out early in the day! But I have a summer full of it quickly approaching, so I better get prepared, eh? (Sigh!)

Speaking of my munchkins, I got a photo of them yesterday that is by no means perfect, but amazingly, they were all smiling, eyes open and sitting still. That NEVER happens. I'm always jealous when I get those perfectly posed Christmas cards from my friends with three or more kids....it just doesn't happen at my house! But I do get lots of shots with personality, that's for sure!

Anyway -- here is one of the shots I got yesterday of my kids -- don't they look sweet and innocent? Nothing like the chaotic, mischievous monkeys I've described above!

Enjoy the day!

Siblings

I just love watching my children interact with one another. I think it is one of my favorite things.

I am an only child. Most people's FAVORITE question when I say that is "Are you spoiled?" Well, first of all, who says, "Heck yeah -- I'm spoiled rotten!" I hate getting the spoiled question. And seriously, I was not what one would consider spoiled. I grew up with a single parent...money was tight. But I WAS spoiled with loving, caring people in my life. And while being an only child probably had its advantages, I don't think I ever really thought about it. I was always wishing I had siblings. I still do. (Although I have gained some through marriage and I love them all dearly!)

Now that I have three kids, I have to tell you how much I enjoy watching them interact and observing that sibling bond.

Sure they have their bad moments. Some days are FILLED with bad moments, and as an only child I have thought, "Wow is this normal? Why is he so mean to her? Why aren't they being nicer?" I know it's normal though. And their good moments do outweigh the bad.

I love when they stick up for one another. I love when they are comforting to each other. I love it when the older kids make the baby laugh and laugh (and vice versa!). I love it that out of the blue they sometimes feel the need to share a hug or kiss. I love when one of them gets a treat or small gift and their first thought is sharing with the other two. I love that my daughter misses my son when he's at school. I love that sometimes when the baby is not feeling well he can only be cheered up by his sister or brother. I absolutely LOVE that they have each other.

I hope this bond will only grow stronger. I can't expect them to always be the best of friends, but I do hope they realize how lucky they are and that they will always be there for one another. And I am so thankful that God has given me three amazing little blessings who are able to grow up together.

And as for my status as an only child -- anyone need a sister???

Enjoy the day!

Plan, schman....

A while back I posted about needing a schedule or a plan. Today I had one of those mornings when I wonder, why even bother??? Here's why...

This morning I had a plan. I knew I had to get my youngest to a 9:30am appointment. In a perfect world, my DH gets up and showered, then wakes up my oldest to get him in the shower before school. I stay out of their way as much as possible (they have a system!), but I do help them get things together and out the door by 7:30am. If I'm lucky, the two youngest are still sleeping.

So today, my plan was to get my son and hubby out the door and get on with what I needed to do -- shower, get myself ready, by then the baby would be up, get him dressed and fed, then get my daughter ready. Easy, right? Should be. But not in Rita's world. My life could be a commercial for things not going as planned.

First, my DH's alarm did not go off. I was the first to wake up and it was about 35 minutes after the time when my husband and son should have started getting ready. I didn't hear a sound and knew immediately something was not right. I realized what had happened and proceeded to wake up my DH and son abruptly. I got my son showered and dressed in record time, made him wolf down his breakfast (not good, I know!) and when DH was ready, they headed out the door. We were all frantically running around, but they got out the door just five minutes later than usual. Not a big deal. I took a deep breath and headed for the shower.

My daughter met me along the way. She's usually not an early riser -- but today, because I had a plan, OF COURSE she was an early riser!!! So I got her on the couch with some juice and turned on cartoons. Not a big deal -- off to shower. But on my way, who should I hear SCREECHING, but the baby??

Long story short (or should I say shorter than it could be!) -- we made it to our appointment on time. But not without a lot of detours along the way and a few harried, stressful moments. And when I say on time -- I mean RIGHT on time. (Big sigh.)

This is what happens when I attempt to make a plan. So today, my motto is "Plan schman" -- who needs 'em?? I can fly by the seat of my pants with the best of them and somehow we manage to get through the day!!!

And you can bet tomorrow or the next day I'll be rambling on again about how I need to get organized. If I do, please direct me to this post immediately!

Spring is coming...

Today is a windy, windy day and the sun was shining this morning ~ now it's pretty much hiding behind clouds that are looking like they want to dump some rain on us. But so far, it's quiet. Thunderstorms are supposed to hit at some point. In the meantime, I have the windows open and the house definitely has the smell of SPRING!

I didn't accomplish much around my house this past weekend. I did finally get my entry together and sent for the new Croppers Cottage Design Team call. I also started on a birthday gift for my mother-in-law. I think it's going to take longer than I anticipated. And I took naps on both Saturday and Sunday -- I think I get three or four naps a year if I'm lucky -- how I got two in one weekend I'll never know! I felt so lazy, but it sure was nice! I feel like I didn't spend much time with my two oldest kids which bummed me out a bit, but daddy got lots of time with them, which was a good thing. My oldest son had his first soccer game of the season. You can tell this is the team's second season together -- they played pretty well!

I also spent some time at the ER with my youngest yesterday -- that was a tiring, scary experience, but it's okay now and he'll be fine in a couple of days.

Not much else to report -- I'm trying to get my home back in order after our weekend. Hope you all had a wonderful weekend with your families.

Happy Monday -- enjoy the week!

Remind Your Kids You Love Them

Yesterday, I felt like I was hearing a few too many sad stories about sick children. Just makes my heart ache.

In addition, I had a horrible experience with a boy who visited our house to play (some of you have heard my venting!LOL).

Both of these things were a good reminder to me to hug my kids, be more patient and tell them why they are so special and that I love them NO MATTER WHAT! I think I do these things pretty often, but some days when I'm frazzled or busy, I probably don't do it as much as I should.

So I wanted to share these little faces I love. And of course I'm including my furbaby -- technically, she's my eldest child! :)

Have a wonderful day and enjoy your weekend!

Ramblings of a Stay-At-Home Mom

Why is there a T-Rex made of legos on my blog??? Two reasons.

First, I was playing around to see if I could add pictures to my blog properly. Not sure if I did -- we'll see.

Secondly, I was thinking about something and this picture just seems to be a perfect reflection of my thoughts.

I used to sell television advertising before becoming a SAHM mom. I had a great client list -- Coca-Cola, Dodge, and McDonald's just to name a few. If you know me in person, you wouldn't really think I would be a salesperson, but I worked in sales for about 12 years. Each day was filled with something new. A lot of stress too! (Not much different from being a SAHM, eh?)

A while ago, I spoke with a neighbor of mine who I have become friends with. She has been married for about two years, has no kids, and is about 11 years younger than me. Our lives are in very different places. She asked me what was new and what I've been up to. I drew a complete blank. And for some reason I thought of this T-Rex. I almost laughed -- this T-Rex made of legos is a perfect example of what I am up to most of the time. My son helped (a little!), but I pretty much made this dinosaur!

Hours spent building with legos is a far cry from selling advertising.

Even though I am no longer in the workforce, as a stay-at-home mom I am incredibly busy. When my friend asked what I'd been up to that particular week, what could I possibly say? "Well, I did 12 loads of laundry, built a T-Rex, colored 16 pictures, played store two or three times, ran umpteen errands, changed 22 diapers...." No -- you don't say that. You draw a blank. At least I do. I have a momentary feeling of "Wow I'm boring!".

Then I say, "Oh, let's see...what have I been up to....hmmm...just the usual!"

And inside I laugh, because although my life may not be terribly exciting to talk about, I wouldn't give up this time with my kids for anything. It will be gone before I know it and I intend to enjoy it while it lasts.

Lip Service

No, I am not talking about kissing!

I hate lip service. I hate it when people say what they think you want to hear. You try to have a conversation with someone and they reply with something they don't really mean. It just sounds good, so they say it. Do you know what I mean? And do you know anyone like that?

I have someone in my life that does it all the time -- with everyone. And it took me a while to realize it. But now that I have realized it, IT DRIVES ME NUTS!

I don't really understand it either. I think it's this person's way of trying to make themself look good in everyone's eyes. That's the only thing I can figure. But oh my gosh it gets under my skin! And I know it's not just me, because a couple of people have asked me if I notice it, because they do too.

On a similar note -- I hate it when people try to create drama where there is none. Bugs, bugs, bugs me!

That's all -- had to get it off my chest. Man I have been venting a lot lately. I'll try to post something more lighthearted later so I don't scare everyone away!

Love the sinner, hate the sin

I try to remember this when someone, even someone who is hard to like, has upset me. It's a lesson I am having to remind my six-year old of these days.

I'm sure every child has had to face (or will have to at some point) something like this. My son has a girl in his class that is incredibly aggressive. Just really mean to the other kids. At least once a week (and usually more often!) he comes home with some story about the trouble she has caused. In fact, just about a week ago, the teacher had to call and tell me Ryan would be coming home with a big scratch on his neck. This little girl had CHOKED my son during PE class. Yesterday, she attacked five or six of her classmates -- hit Ryan in the face, bit another little girl, punched a third boy in the stomach.

Now, of course this is very upsetting to me. My DH gets angry and keeps asking me if he needs to "handle the situation". But what can you do? Obviously, the teachers realize there is a problem, and I assume (and hope) they do what they can to deal with it.

Ryan told me he hated this little girl. I have told him several times now to stay out of her way when she is acting out, but I also have tried to stress to him how important it is to try to be nice to her. I really have to wonder what is going on with this poor six year old girl that she is so angry and mean. I have told Ryan that maybe she has an unhappy home and she probably just needs people in her life to treat her nicely. But what a hard thing to expect of a six-year old when he is getting choked and punched!

I hope I'm making him understand. I try to make it clear to him that I do not in any way find it acceptable for her to treat him so badly, but I hope when I'm not there that he is doing his best to be patient with her.

It can be so overwhelming when you think about all the things we have to protect our kids from. And it's hard to watch them go through things that are hurtful. I know this is only the beginning.

As hard as it is, I do think you have to consider another person's perspective. Sometimes if I've had bad service somewhere or someone has been rude, I may get upset, but then I try to think -- what if this person is having a miserable day? What if they have a sick child or an abusive home life? You really just never know. And if we could all learn to be a little more patient with each other, maybe it would help -- even just a little. But I am just as guilty as anyone of losing patience and this ordeal with my son is a constant reminder to ME that I need to be sure to practice what I preach.

I am so badly in need of a schedule...

I need to get a schedule! I have so many things I want to accomplish on so many levels. So many ideas swimming around in my head. Every week I think -- "this is the week I'm going to get "scheduled" in different aspects of my life" -- everything from cleaning, to spending one-on-one time with my kids, to planning menus. I also need to spend more time on writing and I'd even like to scrapbook more than I do. I need to form some new habits. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting there. Other days I know I'm not getting there at all. And my kids seem to like to change their schedules just enough to throw me off, as far as sleeping and other things.

Maybe I want to accomplish too much all at once. I think I almost sabotage myself by not focusing. Instead I let myself become overwhelmed. Not a good place to be.

I also have issues in my life that stand in the way of some things I'd like to accomplish. Not a good excuse, but things I must contend with all the same. Sometimes I feel like I can rise above these things, but other times, it's just not possible. Still, I realize it's up to me to deal with these things as best I can. It's not hopeless and I can't let myself feel like it is. Unfortunately, I struggle with that sometimes...I do feel somewhat stuck and unsure of where to turn -- unsure of how to deal with my situation.

I realize I'm rambling -- probably somewhat incoherently. I'm just having one of those mornings -- too much swimming around in that vast space between my ears. Felt the need to remind myself in writing that I have much I'd like to accomplish and I'm not getting any younger.

Here's a habit I'd really like to form -- I already touched on this in my life is too short thread. I need to do a better job of reminding people that I appreciate them. I think I do an okay job of it at times, but I need to be more consistent. I am sure there are people in my life that don't even realize the impact they have (or have had in the past). I want to be sure they know.

Today, I am encouraging any one who may read this to let someone know how they've touched your life. Send an e-mail, make a phone call or how about a handwritten card in the mail. How nice is it to get a handwritten note in the mail??? Personally, I love it on the rare occassions that it happens. You never know -- you might just make someone's day!

Marriage is hard!

So at the risk of being a complete downer, I am feeling the need to vent. (But just a little...so don't worry! If I had posted earlier, you may have gotten a REAL eyeful/earful, but I waited! LOL)

I consider myself to be a fairly optimistic, happy person, so I hope this won't sound too negative or like I'm complaining. But dang it -- I have to say, the longer I'm married, the more I understand divorce! Not that I'm contemplating such a thing -- I just understand how it happens, especially if people go into marriage for the wrong reasons or without really thinking it through.

I remember when I was engaged, I was really excited about getting married. I was never one of those girls who had visions of fairy tales or expected it to be a walk in the park, but I knew marriage was a wonderful thing and looked forward to my life as a wife and eventually a mother. I distinctly remember one day when I was working, one of my clients asked about my wedding and I was happily telling her about it and how I looked forward to being married. She rolled her eyes and said very sarcastically, "Just you wait!" It made me really sad at the time, that someone would say that. But now, here I sit nearly ten years later and I finally understand it.

I do believe marriage is a wonderful thing. At the same time I wish people understood beforehand how much work it requires and how hard it can be. I also think that sometimes you don't see a person's true colors until later. I know this isn't always true, but sometimes I think you have to go through several life changing events to see how a person truly operates and where their priorities really lie. Dr. Phil would probably disagree (and my gosh would he have a hay day with me! -- what is a hay day anyway? -- as I typed it, I started to wonder! LOL).

Anyhow, I am just having a rough day and it seems I have more of them than I'd like in this particular regard. This is my meager attempt at venting without sharing too much information and I hope I'm not offending anyone. I literally have no one to talk to here and sometimes it's hard.

So what can I say on a happier note....hmmm....

Thank goodness for the three amazing little blessings God has given me to keep me going and keep my spirits up when I need it. I love those little monkeys more than anything. And I am also so thankful for my wonderful friends and loving family. I truly am very, very blessed.

Betcha didn't know -- I'm a Superhero!

Since I shared a funny Ryan story, I have a quick Rachel story too.

One day this week we were watching Blues Clues and Steve was playing Superhero. Rachel decided she was a superhero too, and put a blanket around herself like a cape and told me I must now call her Super Power Girl. Okay, I'm down with that.

Then she dressed our poor dog in a cape (that dog puts up with Rachel better than anyone else I think!) and she told me the dog was "Super Eater Upper". A fitting name, I have to say!

Later in the day the whole superhero thing came up again and I said to her, "Hey, doesn't Mommy get to be a superhero??" She said , "Yes, Mommy you are!" "Really?" I answered excitedly. "What's my superhero name?"

After a brief moment of thought she says, "You're Super Vacuum Cleaner Upper!"

My hopes of a glamorous superhero name, completely DASHED! LOL (But I guess on a positive note, she has noticed that I actually do clean the house sometimes!)

The Angels and Santa

Yesterday Ryan asked me, "Mom? Are the angels Santa's kids?" (not sure WHERE this question came from!)

Me: "No honey, the angels are in heaven with God."

Ryan: "Oh!" (thoughtful pause) "Hey Mom -- someday I'll be there with God too!"

Yes, Ryan...I'm sure you will!

I love that boy -- he sure tests my patience sometimes, but boy can he make me smile!

I need some style!

I feel so boring some days.

My wardrobe (if you can call it that) is pretty dull, my hair hasn't been cut in about six (eek!) months, so it's pretty unstylish right now. I just don't take the time or spend money on myself often. In fact, the only thing I tend to "splurge" on for myself is scrapbook supplies -- not clothes or "beauty" products.

I think as moms we often tend to buy for the kids first and even our husbands. But I also see other moms who seem so "together" -- cute clothes, trendy shoes, nice hair. I feel like I look frumpy and frazzled most of the time. I am amazed by moms who always look so fresh and put together. I can't pull it off! LOL

Now let me say, I am not complaining. I'm thankful for what I do have and I try not to place unnecessary importance on looks and things. I'd much rather be happy with the type of person I am on the inside than outside. But there are times when I think how nice it would be to have a complete makeover. Am I the only one that ever feels this way?

And speaking of makeovers, I have a serious urge to paint several rooms in our house right now. My hubby is not exactly Mr. Handy, so he's not a lot of help with projects like this -- they tend to make him grumpy. If I want to do it, I literally just have to go buy the supplies without discussing it with him and start doing it. It's just hard sometimes with the kids. Anyone else doing any painting or remodeling these days?

Well, I'm sure I've put anyone who is reading to sleep -- not feeling immensely creative with my post this morning, so I think it's time to go. One of these days perhaps I will actually add some photos to my blog, so you at least have something to look at other than my goofy face!

Enjoy the day ~ hope it's a great one!