So I've been tagged and here are my answers -- I really had to think on some of these!
Seven things to do before I die: 1. Find a better and ongoing way to “give back” to others 2. instill what is truly most important in my children 3. spend as much time as possible with family and friends even just by correspondence 4. Attend a taping of the “Oprah” show 5. Visit Italy 6. Learn to sew 7. Get some children’s books written and published
Seven things I cannot do: 1. Control my tears when I’m really angry (and sometimes when I’m really happy!) 2. swim (I can a little, but not well) 3. drive a car with a stick shift 4. sing 5. draw 6. go to bed without one final check on each of the kids 7. a cartwheel
Seven things that attract me to my husband: 1. his sense of humor 2. the way he interacts with children 3. his love of his parents and siblings 4. the times when he brings me a silly surprise for no reason 5. the fact that spending time with our children is his favorite thing 6. his sensitive side 7. he likes to cook for us
Seven books that I love: 1. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas) 2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) 3. All of the Harry Potter books (JK Rowling) 4. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte) 5. A Time to Kill (John Grisham) 6. Message in a Bottle (Nicholas Sparks) 7. Great Expectations (Charles Dickens)
Seven things that I say: 1. Be quiet 2. Quit yelling 3. You’re giving Mommy a headache! 4. Heavens to Betsy 5. Holy Toledo 6. No Way! 7. I can’t do everything at once! (and I CANNOT believe I admitted to #4 and #5!!!)
Seven movies I've loved: 1. The Shawshank Redemption 2. Dead Poets Society 3. Good Will Hunting 4. Monsters, Inc. 5. Star Wars 6. Finding Neverland 7. It’s a Wonderful Life
Seven blogs I'm gonna tag: Christi, Amber, Mary Jo, Marnie, Sharon, Becky, Pam
Monday, May 22, 2006
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
My own little angel
As many of you know by now, I have had several miscarriages. One of them was when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I delivered a little girl. Lately, I've been thinking about her a lot.
When it happened, I did a couple of scrapbook pages -- mostly just writing. It really was the thing that started me into scrapbooking as we now know it. I'm thinking of doing another page, just to put a lot more in writing. I'm using my blog this morning to start jotting down some things I remember. So if you see my pages, you may see this in the form of journaling at some point. And I hope you don't mind me sharing this here.
We did name the little angel who now watches over our family. Her name is Allyson Grace.
I remember the first time I saw her little heart beating in a sonogram. I remember the day I found out something was wrong with her. I remember that my doctor at the time was very cold. She told me to bring my husband to my appointment on the day we got the bad news. She had never met him, but when she came to deliver the news that our baby was not doing so well, she didn't introduce herself to my husband or say anything comforting whatsoever. She very hurriedly came into our room and announced that the baby's heart was failing -- we'd have to decide what we wanted to do -- end of story. I remember feeling pure shock and not being able to catch my breath. I remember thinking it couldn't be real -- and wondering how my doctor could deliver such news as though she was telling me about the weather.
Initially, there was no harm to me, so it was an easy decision to just monitor the baby. We went to weekly sonogram appointments. I clearly remember the one where they could no longer find a heartbeat. It makes me cry just thinking about it.
I remember having to go through an induced labor to deliver her. I remember feeling sick and miserable and so, so empty. I remember not knowing whether or not I wanted to hold her, knowing I wasn't bringing her home. But I did hold her -- thank goodness. I think I would have regretted it the rest of my life had I not held her. She was SO, so, so tiny! I remember the small family burial service we had -- no priest, just a few family members at the cemetary.
I remember feeling sad, angry, confused and having a broken heart. I know it was God's will that it happened, but at the time, I certainly didn't want anyone to say so. I remember some friends and family saying the wrong things as they attempted to say the right things -- all with the best intentions of course. I also remember the outpouring of love from family, friends, co-workers and even from people I would never have expected it from. I remember that our dog, stayed very close to my side for the first few weeks after it happened -- as if she sensed I needed comfort.
I remember thinking I could return to work the following week. Thank goodness my doctor talked me out of it. I took an actual maternity leave -- and emotionally, I needed it!
I remember having a fabulous fetal specialist as my doctor when things went wrong -- he and his assistant were a far cry from the cold doctor who had delivered the news initially. I remember having a nurse by my side when I went through my labor and delivery, who was patient, kind and cried right along with me. I remember that Matt was very strong for me when he needed to be.
I wonder what my baby girl would have been like.
On the flip side, if we had Allyson, we would not have Ryan. That's a hard thing for me to think about. Because I miss the baby girl I never got to know, but I cannot imagine, nor do I want to imagine life without Ryan.
This event in my life happened for a reason. Maybe several reasons. It taught me a lot and it made me see things differently. Life has moved on -- a lot has happened. In the chaos of every day life, I sometimes forget the lessons I learned from my experience with Allyson. I don't want to forget. I want to always remember what really matters and not let the other stuff get to me. I want to be a good mother to the children I have been blessed with -- I want to be patient and thankful and teach them how to appreciate what is TRULY important.
If you've read this far, I hope I haven't shared too much.
Today if you think about it, as we approach Mother's Day, say a little prayer for all the wonderful mothers out there. Those who have lost children and those who haven't. If you are a mother, I wish you a beautiful Mother's Day with your children. God bless you all!
When it happened, I did a couple of scrapbook pages -- mostly just writing. It really was the thing that started me into scrapbooking as we now know it. I'm thinking of doing another page, just to put a lot more in writing. I'm using my blog this morning to start jotting down some things I remember. So if you see my pages, you may see this in the form of journaling at some point. And I hope you don't mind me sharing this here.
We did name the little angel who now watches over our family. Her name is Allyson Grace.
I remember the first time I saw her little heart beating in a sonogram. I remember the day I found out something was wrong with her. I remember that my doctor at the time was very cold. She told me to bring my husband to my appointment on the day we got the bad news. She had never met him, but when she came to deliver the news that our baby was not doing so well, she didn't introduce herself to my husband or say anything comforting whatsoever. She very hurriedly came into our room and announced that the baby's heart was failing -- we'd have to decide what we wanted to do -- end of story. I remember feeling pure shock and not being able to catch my breath. I remember thinking it couldn't be real -- and wondering how my doctor could deliver such news as though she was telling me about the weather.
Initially, there was no harm to me, so it was an easy decision to just monitor the baby. We went to weekly sonogram appointments. I clearly remember the one where they could no longer find a heartbeat. It makes me cry just thinking about it.
I remember having to go through an induced labor to deliver her. I remember feeling sick and miserable and so, so empty. I remember not knowing whether or not I wanted to hold her, knowing I wasn't bringing her home. But I did hold her -- thank goodness. I think I would have regretted it the rest of my life had I not held her. She was SO, so, so tiny! I remember the small family burial service we had -- no priest, just a few family members at the cemetary.
I remember feeling sad, angry, confused and having a broken heart. I know it was God's will that it happened, but at the time, I certainly didn't want anyone to say so. I remember some friends and family saying the wrong things as they attempted to say the right things -- all with the best intentions of course. I also remember the outpouring of love from family, friends, co-workers and even from people I would never have expected it from. I remember that our dog, stayed very close to my side for the first few weeks after it happened -- as if she sensed I needed comfort.
I remember thinking I could return to work the following week. Thank goodness my doctor talked me out of it. I took an actual maternity leave -- and emotionally, I needed it!
I remember having a fabulous fetal specialist as my doctor when things went wrong -- he and his assistant were a far cry from the cold doctor who had delivered the news initially. I remember having a nurse by my side when I went through my labor and delivery, who was patient, kind and cried right along with me. I remember that Matt was very strong for me when he needed to be.
I wonder what my baby girl would have been like.
On the flip side, if we had Allyson, we would not have Ryan. That's a hard thing for me to think about. Because I miss the baby girl I never got to know, but I cannot imagine, nor do I want to imagine life without Ryan.
This event in my life happened for a reason. Maybe several reasons. It taught me a lot and it made me see things differently. Life has moved on -- a lot has happened. In the chaos of every day life, I sometimes forget the lessons I learned from my experience with Allyson. I don't want to forget. I want to always remember what really matters and not let the other stuff get to me. I want to be a good mother to the children I have been blessed with -- I want to be patient and thankful and teach them how to appreciate what is TRULY important.
If you've read this far, I hope I haven't shared too much.
Today if you think about it, as we approach Mother's Day, say a little prayer for all the wonderful mothers out there. Those who have lost children and those who haven't. If you are a mother, I wish you a beautiful Mother's Day with your children. God bless you all!
Friday, May 05, 2006
Wow -- I'm posting on my blog!
For some strange reason, I have not felt like posting here lately. But today, I decided I needed to get a few things out, so here I am.
Today, I am going to share a couple of my pet peeves. Just to get them off my chest.
I hate when someone takes the fun out of something for me. I just hate when they take something I enjoy doing and insist on making fun of it. Making fun until I just am so sick of the jokes, it makes me not want to do that thing anymore for a while. And what's even more frustrating, is I KNOW I should NOT let it get to me like that. But it does. And it bugs me. Am I making any sense? I don't understand people who have to take the joy out of things for other people. It's annoying.
Another huge pet peeve, is when someone talks to me as if I'm an idiot. I hate being talked down to, like I'm stupid. Because, you know what -- I'm not stupid. And I refuse to let anyone make me feel that way. I am somewhat of an insecure person -- have been all my life. But I'm getting better as I get older and I know I'm not stupid. So when someone insists on talking to me like I'm completely brainless, it just gets under my skin in the worst way. I don't feel like I should have to put up with it.
Okay -- rant over. Forgive me for being crabby -- I'm just having one of those days. I'm irritable and the kids are already in rare form. All of them pushing me to my limit and it's not even noon -- that's never a good thing! But I'm sure we'll get back on track at some point -- and if not, tomorrow is another day!
That's all I got for now. Enjoy your day! And don't be a crab (like me!)
Today, I am going to share a couple of my pet peeves. Just to get them off my chest.
I hate when someone takes the fun out of something for me. I just hate when they take something I enjoy doing and insist on making fun of it. Making fun until I just am so sick of the jokes, it makes me not want to do that thing anymore for a while. And what's even more frustrating, is I KNOW I should NOT let it get to me like that. But it does. And it bugs me. Am I making any sense? I don't understand people who have to take the joy out of things for other people. It's annoying.
Another huge pet peeve, is when someone talks to me as if I'm an idiot. I hate being talked down to, like I'm stupid. Because, you know what -- I'm not stupid. And I refuse to let anyone make me feel that way. I am somewhat of an insecure person -- have been all my life. But I'm getting better as I get older and I know I'm not stupid. So when someone insists on talking to me like I'm completely brainless, it just gets under my skin in the worst way. I don't feel like I should have to put up with it.
Okay -- rant over. Forgive me for being crabby -- I'm just having one of those days. I'm irritable and the kids are already in rare form. All of them pushing me to my limit and it's not even noon -- that's never a good thing! But I'm sure we'll get back on track at some point -- and if not, tomorrow is another day!
That's all I got for now. Enjoy your day! And don't be a crab (like me!)
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