This is what I tell myself many, many days. It never seems to stick, but I figure if I keep telling myself this -- eventually it is bound to become a reality.
Today I was reading a magazine when I came upon a list of "signs you may be depressed". Now I have on occasion wondered if I am in fact clinically depressed. But usually I think about it and then decide I'm just being dramatic and move on. So I find this list today and realize I do indeed meet every criteria on the list of seven or eight things that could be signs of depression. Every single one. That in itself is depressing!
On the flip side, the same article gave some really good tips for helping the depression and I was happy to see medicating oneself was not at the top of the list. The suggestions were baby steps to help someone find their way back to living with happiness and peace. It made me really think about my ability to tackle baby steps, because for quite a while now my biggest problem is simply being overwhelmed. Just about everything overwhelms me.
If I think of any aspect of my life , I can find a slew of things that need improvement. Any aspect. From the big things like living my faith and teaching it to my children, being a mother, finding my "calling" -- all the way down to less important things like home improvements, and finding more time for the hobbies I long ago abandoned. I have so many, many, many things that need attention and days come -- and days go -- and I feel like I am just treading water trying to cram in all the necessary things that have to happen to get us to the next day. This is no way to live -- because honestly, it's not really living. It's getting by. What a horrible example to my children.
The other day I was thinking about what my kids might say if when they are older someone asks them about happy memories from their childhood. I am wondering if they will have an answer. I'm too afraid to ask.
For tonight, I will put my thoughts to rest and tomorrow begin to find some baby steps that work for me. Maybe blogging right now is a baby step. And maybe tomorrow when I wake up and say to myself, "Today is the day!" -- if I'm lucky -- it will stick.
2 comments:
Oh Rita. I am glad you are taking time to think about yourself because next is going to be taking time for yourself. I want that for you because I know how much it has helped me to feel happier and more at peace.
I love you tons and I know your kids will have MANY great memories to talk about.
With you all the way. You know I´m usually around and I will be cheering for you.
One practical tip: When I feel too tired to keep going I remember my fathers words "We are more tired by the things we haven´t done yet than by the things we have actually done" It means that the weight of those undone things is what put us down. Make a list of things that annoy you (like fixing a light bulb) but you never get to doing because you don´t feel you have the time. Do a few of those and you´ll feel lighter.
Post a Comment